Commentary

DISJOINTED THINKING AHEAD: This may be difficult to comprehend, as I just wrote what came to mind.

I am deviating from the political theme of my blog today to write about a tragedy that has hit my community.

I'm writing on here instead of on Facebook in deference to the victim's family, including her daughter Megan. My newsfeed is full of stories about the accident, and I know how tiring and upsetting they can get. Megan, and/or your family, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry for what's happened. Words cannot ever completely express how this feels, and I know it's tough.

The tone of this may confuse some. Please read the entire post before you get angry because it seems like I am defending the driver. I am definitely not. This is more a commentary on human nature in general, and it's me voicing my thoughts.

This accident has taken a toll on me. And I've found it incredibly difficult to look on the bright side. A mother died. A woman died. A human being died. She was killed by a drunk driver who was in a hurry to get to a function for work.

But there are tiny tidbits of light in a horrible story like this. As the drunk driver continued driving, several people followed him, and when he pulled into the Kelley's Market parking lot, they prevented him from leaving until the police got there. Normal, every day people saw something was wrong and did all they could to help. It may not have saved Mrs. Mengelt's life, but it may have saved countless others.

Now, I've neglected to mention what many are regarding as the most important part about the driver. He wasn't just your every day, run of the mill drunk (and it's pretty sad that those exist, in all honesty). He was a bishop for the South Central Synod of the ELCA. And because of this, it seems so much worse to almost everyone I've spoken to. This news was met with sadness, anger, and confusion. We don't picture drunk drivers to be pillars of the community; they're the “town drunks” who are always causing problems. Before it was revealed he was a bishop, many had assumed that it was his 9^th or 10^th DUI. Those cases happen, too, of course, and far more frequently, which is another reason why this has shaken up so many people.

Being angry that he killed a woman is understandable. Being angrier that he fled the scene is even more so. But what has made people angriest is that he is a Bishop. And I've heard some pretty harsh language about just that last bit.

Good men aren't supposed to do bad things. And if they do, most of us have a hard time believing it. But the world isn't black and white, and people make mistakes, sometimes fatal ones. Bishop Burnside made a mistake by getting into his car after having alcohol, and he made another mistake when he tried to flee the scene. Does this mean that he should be forgiven for doing this? I'm definitely not saying that. Every bit of this is reprehensible. He should have known better, but so should every drunk driver that's ever caused an accident or even just gotten behind the wheel. When these men we put up on pedestals fall, we fall with them.

This is a man who, most people think, should have really known better. As someone who teaches morals, yes, he should have. But there's a difference between being mad that he's a Bishop who's done this and making cracks about Christianity.

Before I go on, it's important to mention that I'm a “devout” Atheist. But it's been bothering me how I've heard people speaking.

Christianity itself isn't bad. It can give people hope. It can give people a reason to carry on. It can answer questions that people desperately need answered. Don't judge the whole on the actions of one. I think it's fairly clear that Christians don't condone drunk driving or fleeing the scene of an accident. If I was a part of the ELCA, I would feel betrayed that a man that I had placed so much trust and respect in had done this.

People look everywhere for someone to blame, and they're not always content with just one person. But the truth is that no one is responsible for this accident except Bruce Burnside. The fact that he's a Bishop in the ELCA doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. He's still only a man, and he made a decision to drink and drive that has impacted Mrs. Mengelt's family, his family, and our community.

We as humans are quick to judge, and that can be our downfall. I'm not saying he should get a relaxed punishment, though. I think he should have to serve the maximum sentence for this, mainly because he fled. But don't judge his religion because of what he's done. Don't judge his family, and don't judge his church members for what he's done. As I've said, he is the only one responsible for this. If you must criticize, criticize Burnside, but leave the ELCA and Christianity (as well as religion) out of your criticisms.

(This is a really disjointed post, and I apologize. It just legitimately bothered me to see so many people jumping all over religion because of this tragedy.)

Cisgender Heterosexual Privilege

(For those of you unfamiliar with the term "cisgender": cisgender, essentially, is when you identify with the gender you were assigned with at birth)

Okay. Here’s the thing. There’s this little thing in the world that exists. It’s called “privilege”. Only when I say “little”, I really mean “monstrously huge large incredibly enormous”. And there are lots of them. The one I’m going to focus on in this post is cisgender and heterosexual privilege.

Now, I want to start out by saying that I am both cisgender and heterosexual. Both of these things mean that I get preferential treatment over those who are not cisgender and heterosexual. Now, when I say preferential treatment, I don’t mean “oooooooh you’re a cis hetero chick, you get into the club now”. I mean the fact that as a cis hetero individual, I am represented in media ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I turn on the TV and hey look straight cis girl, straight cis girl, straight cis girl (I’m also white, and that’s another way I’m fully represented in the media, but I’m not really going to cover race in this post).

I’m also pretty much accepted by everyone. I don’t get asked on a daily basis about my genitals or how I have sex. But guess what? That’s not how it is for everyone (even though it should be). Because for some screwed up reason, a lot of cishet people think it’s perfectly normal to ask a trans* woman about her genitalia. They also find it not invasive at all to ask a lesbian “so wait how do you have sex?”.

Would you be annoyed, offended, and even horrified if someone asked YOU about your genitals or how you personally had sex, especially someone you had just met? Maybe not, but if you were, no one would blame you because you’re perfectly right to be outraged.

And not only are there no (accurate) representations in the media and people ask horrible questions, but almost all legislation, especially in the United States, has completely ignored the existence of LGBTQ individuals.

I’m straight and I’m cis, so I can get married in Vegas while drunk as all hell (remember the episode of Friends where Rachel and Ross got married?) and get it annulled 2 months later and laugh about it and be like “oh how stupid of me”.

I’m straight and I’m cis, so I can get married 5 times and divorce 5 times and, while some might roll their eyes, I AM STILL ALLOWED TO DO IT.

But god forbid we allow two women, two men, or trans* individuals to marry. DESTROYING THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE AUGH!!!!

This is privilege. Cishet privilege is not having to think about being able to get married because YOU’RE CIS AND HETEROSEXUAL.

And if you tell anyone that is not cis and/or heterosexual that they shouldn’t hate cishet people for this privilege, then you’re so unbelievably wrong. They have every reason to hate us (though most of them don’t.)

When a trans* individual posts a status saying “SCREW CIS PEOPLE”, they don’t necessarily mean that they hate cis people, but more that, well, as cis people, we really suck sometimes.

Please everyone try to keep this in mind, and check your privilege at the door.

THIS IS A BODY POSITIVE POST

It's not political, but because of the topic, it definitely functions as a commentary on our society in general.

If you had told me when I was 16 that I would be 185 pounds and happy with how I looked when I was 20, I would have laughed and told you to stop lying.

When I was 16, I was about 110 pounds.

I, unfortunately, grew up in a society that places a large emphasis on being skinny, being perfect, and above all, hating your body.

I mean, look at the trends on morning news programs. Diets. Guilt for eating junk food. Swimsuit season exercise routines.

Look at how we view celebrities. God forbid a celebrity have curves. God forbid a celebrity gain weight. They are torn apart by the media (looking at you, Joan Rivers). And do you know what message this sends?

It sends a message that because these celebrities are “fat” and “laughable”, what are we? If a celebrity is fat for being 5'3” and 120 pounds, what are you if you're 5'3” and 140 pounds?

We need to change how we view ourselves, and the media needs to change how they portray us.

I'm 5'4” and 185 pounds, and I love every inch of myself.

Sure, I have my bad days; everyone does. But you can't let that get the best of you.

Being a body positive person starts with loving yourself, but it doesn't stop there.

If you criticize others for their size (regardless of whether they're “skinny” or “fat”), you are not body positive.

It's great to accept yourself for who you are, but you don't accept yourself if you have to tear others down to do it.

Stop reducing yourself to your size; you are so much more than that.

Your value of self worth doesn't need to be attached to your pants size.

Now, having this outlook doesn't come easy, and it's not something that can happen over night. But every day, find one thing you like about yourself and focus on that. Stop focusing on what you don't like, what you need to change, what you think others don't like, and focus on you.

Surround yourself with people who will support you, not tear you down.

I've gotten to this place because of my amazing friends, and also, really, because of Tumblr.

I would never have stumbled across the body positive movement if it wasn't for Tumblr.

That being said, not all of Tumblr is body positive. There's thinspiration and fitspiration everywhere. I don't like fitspo. I feel like it's thinspo masquerading as a health movement. Exercise is good, yes, but you should never exercise just to lose weight. Exercise to be healthy. Exercise to have fun. Don't push yourself farther than your limits, and if it hurts, then stop.

You are not obligated to conform to societal norms. If you want to exercise, exercise. If you don't want to exercise, don't. It's that simple.

Stop doing things because you're worried about how others feel about you, and start doing things based on just how you feel. If you, just you, feel that you want to exercise more, then exercise more. But if it's pressure from society to make yourself more attractive, pressure from friends making jokes about your weight, or pressure from others, and you can't tell if YOU want to exercise or if society is warping your view of yourself, stop and think.

Body positivity is about doing things for you and only you. You can lose weight and be body positive. You can eat healthy and be body positive. But you can also stay the same weight (or even gain it) and still be body positive. You can eat junk food and be body positive. All that matters is that you do this for yourself, and I cannot stress that enough.

All you have an obligation to is yourself.